i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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