I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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