I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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