hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
