He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize