it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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