I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
