Will you blow on my dice?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
