i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
