I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
