Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
