WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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