So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
