they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
