I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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