I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
