oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
