I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
