Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
