Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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