his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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