it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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