Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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