Whod you bang
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
