We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
