Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
