I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize