He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
