somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize