we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
