I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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