I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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