theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize