..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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