i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
