Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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