we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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