I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
