Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
