Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm really busy with my period
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
