just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How naked do you want me to be?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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