Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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