Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
