soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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