Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize