Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm always down for nudity.
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