please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
