Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
