WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize