idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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