well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
