last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
