got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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