wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
