Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
