imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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