Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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