worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize