I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
