he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
