mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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