just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
