Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize