In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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