your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
