Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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