Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize