My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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