All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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