The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
