He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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