I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
