So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
