She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
