I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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