So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
