dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
