butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
