Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
