Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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