Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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