didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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