He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
