can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
