dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Randomize
