now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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