No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
