...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
