i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
