And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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