i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
