I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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