I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A+ Viking dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize